Between waking and dreaming
The mind cannot distinguish between waking and dreaming; to it, everything is real, and everything leaves a lasting impression.
That is why fear returns at night, even when I believe I have reached a perfect calm. It comes back not because peace is false, but because fear has not fully died. It lies in wait in the unconscious, buried deep, listening for the silence of dawn to rise again. It needs to be seen and named to remind me that I am still in the process of becoming.
It has been a long journey.
And there are nights, like this one. When I wish I had already reached the end of the road. And yet, something within me knows that what is coming is vast, that the message is ready to be delivered, and that the moment has arrived to release it into the world. So I keep going. I cling to words as one clings to an invisible rope. I write to cleanse, to loosen myself from everything that once fractured my soul.
And still, my soul remains intact.
The blows did not strip it of its brilliance. They did not break it. I know this because the dreams continue even after I wake. After all, awakening is not merely opening the eyes. Awakening is opening the heart, allowing myself to be seen as I truly am—light and fear intertwined.
That is the true awakening.
Nel Duarte
Calgary, Dec 24, 2025, 3:32 am